The Heart Opens In The Most Unexpected Ways

Despite how well preserved we think we are or how great we look, eventually the aging process takes over and the body begins to break down. You can't stop it from happening but you can learn to appreciate what time you have remaining whether it is 5 hours, 5 years or 15 years. I have become very aware lately of the finite nature of my own life. A friend told me to just enjoy every day which I try to do now by staying close to what comforts and nurtures me, what supports and sustains me. It is a challenge because Americans in massive numbers are now uneasy at best and terrified at worst over what has happened since 9/11 to their country. They are like this for both political and personal reasons. Death sweeps down and takes a spouse without warning; a husband you thought you would grow old with decides he needs someone more this or that (a euphemism for younger usually); a wife tells you that you don't earn enough money and divorces you. We are left at 50 plus with a shorter, smaller life, many of us and the trick is not to run from it. The trick, the challenge and the discipline is to make of it something different and unexpected; to push yourself well past your comfort zone even though comfort is exactly what an aging body most desires. This is the conundrum that must be faced if you really want to stay conscious of everything around you, much of which may be ugly, ill or terrifying. Life is what life is; no one gets out of here alive. So on July 4th, 2015, just a few hours from now, my life sets sail, flies unanchored, goes where it shall go and I have no idea where that is and, most remarkably, no desire to control it either. No preconceptions on where or how love will find me or what love will look like. Today while entering Berkeley Bowl, a long line in front of me, I was stalled in the entrance to the parking lot for a bit. A grey haired man in a zippy convertible was coming out of the parking lot. Our eyes met. For some unknown reason, he grinned at me. I blushed like a school girl. I looked away like a bride. And then I looked directly at him and grinned back. He laughed. I laughed. We had a wild intimate moment and he threw me a kiss like in an old Italian movie. And surprise to even me, I threw him a kiss back. I knew then as he pulled away and I pulled in...my eyes filled with tears, my smile wide and full, that this old heart, broken again and again, healed innumerable times, was finally and forever open. Cut and fade to black. Happy 4th of July.